Yes, it *is* my fault.

I complicate things. I have always done it and in all practicality, I am pretty sure I will continue to do so my entire life. Why, you wonder? Because I am an insufferable people-pleaser. I don't suck up to them...but I do try at every step of the way, to say things that make people happy and help them out whenever they ask.

That's the problem. It's not about whether I am in a position to help or not. Somehow, I think my saying-No gene got shrunk to non existance and or dormancy by some cruel Darwinian variation. Don't ponder too much about the relevance of that, I just felt like writing Darwinian. There are certain words and expressions I use just for the sake of sounding smarter than I am. Lol.

Do you even write "lol" in a blog? Or is it just chat-lingo? Should I even be caring, seeing how it *is* my blog after all and I am allowed to write whatever I feel like here. Too many damn questions. None of them even halfway organized in some recognizable order. It's just the way it's in my head right now...floating around listlessly. I just keep jumping from one troubling thought to another, conviniently leaving the actual solution-seeking-part for later. 

Is it so terrible to believe in metaphorical fairy tale wand-waving? Or a metaphorical fairy godmother? I won't fancy a thin, beautiful one though. Much rather have my Fairy-G.M. be rotund and the kind that eternally smells of something deliciously homely like apple pie or vanilla. I don't think I would be able to bear the stigma of a gorgeous fairy-helper-type-person. Like I am not already surrounded by beautiful, confident, charismatic people already to stomp all over my ego? Yeah, RIGHT.

Although who am I kidding...I don't even have a real godmother. Even the boring kind that sends you birthday gifts and forgets about you for the rest of the year. Or one of those annoying Christmas Cards back from the 90s with the tinkling music, that you so wish to jump over and completely crush into silence.

I might be slightly hostile today.

I should get going. Probably get back to my studies. I haven't been able to get on the computer since early in the morning. 

More tomorrow, maybe.

Lilac Kitten

PS. Thank you God, for girlfriends who always have solutions and who make you feel good about doing slightly evil albeit kind things. Long story. Don't ask.