Grieving and Making Up for Mistakes

They say it's better to be late than never. And they also say the biggest learning is from your own mistakes. 

I feel terrible because I have never been the friend I should have been to T. But I regret it now, and I would go to any lengths to make it up to him. I realize the timing cannot be worse, but I also think now's when he might need a hand to hold on to, even if he cannot bring it upon himself to admit it. He needn't suffer alone. He shouldn't suffer alone.

And if anything, I owe him that much, to be with him through this. I don't care what I have to give up in order to do that. I really don't. He means a lot to me. More than I ever realized. For once, I am going to be a real, true friend to him. 

I just got back with my mother from Nandish's memorial service. It was in the same park we played in as kids. It was the same park that I last saw him playing, smiling that beautiful smile, an innocence reflected in his every movement; the one thing the cancer couldn't take away from him. I held T's hand and gave it a squeeze before we left. 

Actions speak louder than words. Right?

It's going to take some time to get over this...for all of us. He was a loved child. A beautiful, intelligent child, full of exuberance and enthusiasm for that short life of his. 

You'll be sorely missed darling. We miss you already. All of us.

I just got this text message in reply to mine.


"Thanks for being here when I needed someone the most, thanks for standing beside me and for giving me the strongest support, thanks for everything."

We texted back and forth a couple times late last night but I finally fell asleep and saw his last text in the morning after waking up. I feel better.

He sounds...better? 

I don't know...its going to be a long process.

I'm glad we're started on it.